What a difference a year can make...As for so many of us the past 2 years have been very difficult to navigate to say the least. We as parents try to do our very best for our children. Along the way there are good times, bad times and memories you'll cherish forever. This past year was extremely hard for our family and I decided I needed to make some changes in my life. Not just for myself, but for my daughters....I made a promise to myself when I was younger that I would never make my children feel the way my Mother made me feel. I found myself becoming that woman during the past year and I refused to go down that road. I can't even begin to tell you how incredibly healthy, happy and grateful I am today that I made the decision to get the help I needed.
I wanted to put this out there to be Raw and let you know that you're not the only one. Everyone is struggling, it's when you do something about it that you realize there is an entirely different life for you to live in the most positive way possible. The depression, anxiety that took over will no longer be present once you make positive changes in your life. There is no reason you have to follow in the footsteps of previous generations that were so toxic to your life. I refuse to be like my Mother and her Mom. They were unhappy, miserable, selfish, people that were just plain mean. Unfortunately, it made a huge impact on my life when I was a child and continued into my adulthood. Thankfully, My Dad was always there when I was growing up and his parents were the best Grandparents you could ever ask for. I have so many terrible memories of my Mother growing up, but my Dad did the very best he could with what he was dealt. I'm extremely close with my Dad and I'm so grateful for everything he has done for me. All the sacrifices he made to make sure my brother and I were safe. He stayed with my Mom for 40 years until finally he had reached his limit. There is a reason they call him “Saint Cliff.” My parents split up right before Covid hit. My Father apologized to me for staying with her as long as he did. He said he thought she would change eventually, but she never did. I remember telling my Dad well, I am going to break the cycle Dad. I refuse to turn out like my Mother did. My entire life I always wanted to have a relationship with my Mother. I tried for so many years and last June was my final straw. As heartbreaking as it was I couldn't allow her negativity and toxic environment around my daughters. Once I got the help I needed I realized so many things about my Mother when I was growing up that were affecting my life, my daughters and husband.
I’ve always been a very hard worker. I started working when I was 13 selling Baltimore Sun Papers door to door in Seven Courts. I made great money doing so...Could you imagine selling a newspaper door to door today...now that would be funny! I went on to serve at different Restaurants Olive Garden, Damon's, Phillips in the Summers, then managed SSMC in Hunt Valley with an incredible guy named Keith. We did the Grand Opening and it was an experience that I'll never forget especially, the silent open.
I assumed all those years that I just loved to work, which I do, especially being a person that likes a routine, but my therapist brought up a good point that I never thought of...Do you ever think you worked all the time so you wouldn't be home with your Mom. It all started to become very clear to me. I never wanted to come home because I never knew what Mother I was going to walk into. That is the worst feeling as a child and I felt like that everyday growing up with her.
Once I got married to Chad and we decided to have children he thought it would be a great idea for me to start my photography business. That was one of the best decisions I could have ever made. With me going into my 12th year of business with a job that I absolutely love, how could a gal not be happy? I'll tell you how...when your head is cloudy you don't see things clearly like God intended for you.
It has broken my heart the past few weeks when I ask how are you doing to people and almost everyone replies hanging in there. They look so defeated. Life shouldn't be this way. Once you focus on self care it allows you to become the best version of yourself. Things will start to fall into place...if you focus on what is really important to you. These upcoming years in my 40's I will embrace and they are going to be some of the best years of my life.
I’ve always loved talking with older people because they have so much wisdom. Listening to their experiences throughout their lives has bought so many things in perspective for my own life. I have always been happy for other people especially, when they overcome challenges in their lives. The challenges I have overcome in the past year have allowed me to realize how much I love helping other people. I'm moving forward in 2022 with doing some part-time work as a Peer Counseling. I’m registered at the end of January to get certified. I'm so excited about this next journey of my life.
You never know who you can help by being transparent and sharing your story. I hope this reaches people who may be struggling that feel like there is no hope. There is always hope.
